This piece is an autofictional seed for the Autofiction x Worldbuilding submissions call. It inspired this other piece.

The First Vacation

“Did you know there are parts of Spain where a boy has to jump over a bull to become a man?” you ask.

We hold hands and mosey down a hill near our Airbnb about twenty miles outside of Dallas. I’m calculating when you’ll tire, want to walk back, peel clothes off, etc. Viagra is at peak potency from one hour to one hour and fifteen minutes after ingestion. It’s Saturday, the day we usually fuck.

“What if the bull gets angry and kills a kid?” I ask.

You shrug your shoulders. Technically, I never “became” a man, as there was never a point someone said: “Now, you are a man.” Knowing other men have jumped over bulls makes me feel less like a man.

“All I know is if I could’ve jumped over a bull to become a woman, I would have,” you say.

You say seconds after your “first blood,” your mom presented a red heart-shaped key chain reading: “My beautiful child, I have always been with you. Even when there was one set of footprints in the sand, I carried you.”

I don’t remember when my balls dropped. I can’t recall my first wet dream.

“Amazing how little men know about their bodies,” you say. “There’s no period equivalent. Ya’ll have it easy.”

I agree, except for those men from certain parts of Spain. I bend over like I’m tying my shoe. The Viagra is in my hand, and I swallow. We’re ten minutes from our Airbnb now. Fifty minutes to kill.

“You ready to turn back?” you ask.

“Um… not quite yet.”

We explore for a while more, but you’re getting bored. I hate that I need this. I hate how antidepressants turn every part soft, and another medication is required to make one part, the most important part, hard again.

“I know; let’s try and find a bull,” I say.

You’re about to yell what the hell, but I’m jogging off. You follow with a hand raised until we stop at the house I saw driving in, with the two-acre yard, high fence, and longhorns grazing. They rise from their grass and stare at us. It took just seven minutes to find them.

“Let’s turn back now,” you say.

I want to jump the fence and sprint toward the bulls. At our Airbnb, we try to have sex but I’m too limp to penetrate.