I’ve Been Listening to Possum Kingdom on Repeat for the Past Five Days

When the memo leaked, the one that said the Trump Administration had knowingly delayed any response to the pandemic in order to lower the elderly population due to shrinking Social Security benefits, no one rioted. Instead the talking heads went crazy on the television, screaming about how it was unacceptable and that the former President ought to face charges, and no one really disagreed, even the people who were paid to spin things in favor of the Republicans. Their fat multicolored faces like giant rainbow grubs spit havoc over it until something else, maybe another bombing in Gaza, maybe another celebrity abortion, maybe another pizza-eating rodent, distracted them and turned conversation over to something else. 

When I said in a class that I didn’t see what the big deal was, that perhaps it was for the best for the elderly to be reduced in numbers mercifully instead of being herded into death camps and summarily executed, I wound up in front of a counselor, who gently admonished me against making such inflammatory comments for the sake of getting a rise out of my classmates. This disgustingly angular woman and her professional mannerisms made me feel vomitous. She would never understand what death was meant for.

I wouldn’t have voted for Trump because I didn’t agree with how he felt about immigrants. I think Americans are scum and gross and immigrants actually appreciate this country unlike people born here. My parents are immigrants and they’re always telling me how lucky I am.

A lot of kids my age like Trump and say that it’s ridiculous people compare him to Hitler but those same kids send my boyfriend pictures of gas chambers and ovens. They probably secretly like Hitler. I don’t. Killing people for no reason is evil, and he had no reason to kill all of those Jews. But sometimes I wonder if I just feel that way because my boyfriend is Jewish and I’m in love with him. 

I think think that Trump was a disgusting old man and a faggot too. He probably raped his son and his daughter when they were teenagers and he should have died when he got COVID. I hope he gets killed soon.

These people would not understand that these old people needed to be removed. They could never imagine watching the breath end in the body of someone like my uncle, who used to like to slam meth before he fucked me and forced me to learn how to inject him because he was too stiff to reach the only good veins in his toes. He was HIV positive andl didn’t want to die with that on his paperwork, so I loaded up a syringe with the painkillers he got from his oral surgery and he died a tragic suicide and not a degenerate pedophile faggot, which is what he was.

Or that man I met on the apps, who was quite a lot of fun for a while even though he was by definition a pedophile. Just because he asked if I was 18 and I lied and said I was doesn’t absolve him of what he was, and when I was through with him and his white chest hairs, tired of him pissing in my mouth and letting him spread my ass with a speculum, the stab wounds I left fucked into his body like so many vaginas decorated the seediest motel in northwestern Kentucky. He had wanted me to slam meth with him which reminded me of my uncle so I freaked kind of and killed him. Meth is like the one thing I won’t do, which is why it’s so annoying all these men I meet on the apps want to do it. I tell them they can bring cocaine and pot, and I’m willing to do Adderall and Vyvanse if they have it, but gay men really like doing meth. I won’t let them inject me either, even though they really want to. 

This one time I met a guy who wanted to shoot me full of heroin, and I could tell what he really wanted was to rape someone who wouldn’t be able to fight back. I did my best to make it look like a home invasion. I didn’t even fuck him which was a shame, but I thought he would kill me if he could get away with it. 

I will admit that when i fucked the 12-year-old who kept telling me to stop I thought for a moment about killing him while his parents were out of town, a thought which I am still ashamed of because I don’t want to kill anything younger than me. But then I realized that no one had stopped when I asked them to and I didn’t say anything about it so he probably wouldn’t either.

There was this gross old bag who believed that I was actually into her. Really I just wanted to see why serial killers so often went after women and tortured them. So I did the same thing they did, like I’d heard and seen on the internet videos, and I videotaped it like they did but I didn’t enjoy raping her and didn’t even bother to kill her, probably because, I realize, I’m gay and more of a revenge killer than a serial one. I lied and said that I would if she went to the cops and she was only passing through on business, some kind of farm thing with seeds.

The first thing I ever killed was my old cat, and I did it quick, no torture, and I don’t regret it. My retarded parents didn’t want to put it down even though it had cancer, becuase my family is weak and stupid.

My boyfriend doesn’t know that I kill people. He’s Jewish and his family doesn’t know he’s gay, so we’re both hiding something, but I suppose that’s totally fine cause everyone has secrets. He got fucked by older men too, and it fucked him up way worse than it did me, I think because it happened when he was younger and he doesn’t have an outlet like I do. 

I like to torture him and do things he doesn’t want me to do. I force him to turn his asshole inside out and I piss on it. He hates it when I make him do that but I just have to call him a retard and tell him no one else will ever love him and he totally does whatever I ask. Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to kill him but I really don’t want to because I think I’m in love with him.

We listen to “Possum Kingdom” by the Toadies on repeat and he says it’s about a guy killing a girl but I think it’s about being so in love with someone you’re scared of killing them and I think it’s real romantic.

I feel bad about fucking other men behind his back and I don’t know why I do it. I think I’m really polyamorous but I don’t think he is. Maybe this is some kind of a mission that I was put on this planet to fulfill. Everyone has a calling. One day I’ll tell my boyfriend I kill people and he won’t leave me because he loves me.

So many of the men I meet on the hookup sites are bottoms which is annoying cause so am I so I wind up topping a lot more than I want to. They always take me across the border into Kentucky or Illinois, I don’t know why. It’s a federal crime to transport a minor across state lines for sex. I think they’re scared of running into someone they know. I made this one guy pull over so I could give him head but when he took his dick out I cut it off and sliced his throat and dragged his body into the woods and drove his car close enough to town that I could walk back. 

This is all probably really dumb but I don’t care if I get caught. I want to get caught because they’ll probably just put me in an asylum with other crazy people where I belong. 

Then again I don’t think the police in Indiana or Kentucky or Illinois care about old dead faggots. They probably figure they deserve it for being faggots, which they do. I go to church every Sunday with my family and listen to the preacher talk about people like me. I know I’m going to hell and I don’t care, heaven sounds boring.

The elderly should all be killed and young people from other countries should be allowed to come here. Everyone over 50 should go up against the wall. The world would be saved and we young people could live in peace and I could stop killing all these men. When my time came I would gladly show up to the guillotine, in fact I’m going to kill myself on my 50th birthday, if I even live that long. 

This one time my uncle took me out into the country and there was this house with other old men and I was the only teenager. They made me strip naked and they examined me and said which parts they would like to cut, but nobody did any cutting. Instead we all watched a video of a man slicing up a young boy. Sometimes I think about how cowardly they were and it disgusts me.

I get sick of how much stimulation there is in my life. I am tired of all the drugs and I just want to fuck my boyfriend in peace, but I still feel like I have to do what I do. I’ve been listening to “Possum Kingdom” on repeat for the past five days. I’ve been up all weekend. This is all starting to wear on me and I want to move to New York and go to college, but my parents won’t help me pay for it.

Old people make rules and laws and tell us what to do and then they turn around and rape young people. They don’t deserve to live like they do. We should be making the rules. The less of them survive the better it is for us. They should have vaccinated all the young people before they gave it to the elderly.

So if I could have walked through a nursing home and spread the virus to one bed after another I would have been saving those people a lot of time and money and they probably would have deserved to die anyway. I take no pleasure in the thought, I’m simply practical minded. When I said what I said I wasn’t looking to inflame anyone. But I’m glad the idiot counselor brought me into her room, because now I know not to talk about people dying. Others will think I’m weird.