The following game was created for 2018’s 200 Word RPG challenge. Unlike Rudy, who is clearly deeply fucking pathological, I’ve only written a single entry for this year’s contest.  Since my original draft was over 450 words over the contest’s limit, I had to substantially rewrite it. I’ve included both the contest version and the original below.

Contest version

You bugbear. Bigger than human. Stronger. But bugbears can’t get shit together. Can’t cooperate. Victimized by human, who work as one, even when many. This about to end. All bugbears gang up, plan revenge.

Go in room. Find trash can. Dump on floor. Each pick through trash til find three things. Pick at same time. Fight for what want! Each use garbage, craft god. This your fetish.

Everyone tell story behind fetish. Tell what is, how it part of you. Talk pain. Talk sacredness. Talk magic. When done, admire fetishes. Tell each other, “How pretty. How cool.”

Now humankind pay. Make plans do simple thing: Go supermarket. Go bar. Must be outside, where human dwell. While plot, remember fetish. If bugbear disrespect fetish, call out on bullshit. Hold fetish high. All other shut up until done scold.

Scheme complete? Go out. Follow plan. Bring fetishes. Make sure human see them. Be proud! If human ask about fetish, tell its story. Finish plan. Return room.

Congratulate all on victory. Give big hairy back pats. Brag. Don’t forget fetishes! When all feel good about selves, return to dens.

Or: Throw fetish back in trash can anytime. Become human. Leave room, game forever.

Original version

Bugbears

a game for monsters

You are a bugbear. You are bigger than any human, and stronger, but bugbears can’t seem to get their shit together. Since bugbears can’t work with other bugbears, they are constantly being picked on, abused, and brutalized by humans, who have the uncanny ability to work as one, even when they are many. But this is about to end. All of the regional bugbears have been called to one place, and here they will plan their revenge.

Step 1: Make your fetish. Gather all the players in one room. Find a full trash can and empty it in the center of the room. (Use real trash!) Each player picks through the trash until they find two or more objects that speak to them. (Pick at the same time. Don’t be afraid to fight for what you want!) Then they use those objects and some basic craft supplies (markers, crayons, glue, glitter, whatever’s on hand) to build their fetish. Fetishes can look however their creator desires, but must incorporate all of the trash grabbed.

Step 2: Recognize your fetish. Go around in a circle and give each bugbear a chance to tell the story behind their fetish. Talk about what your fetish is and why it’s an important part of who you are. Talk about the pain you endured to acquire it. Talk about the way you and others must behave in its sacred presence. Talk about the mystical power you’re sure it possesses. Hold your fetish above your head as you speak. Once everyone has introduced their fetish, take a moment to compliment each other’s fetishes. Leave no fetish unpraised.

Step 3: Plot. Now it’s time to make humankind pay. Make plans to accomplish a mundane task as a group. This can be anything—grocery shopping, going to the movies, hitting the club—but it must involve going out in public. As you plan, be mindful of your fetish. Introduce it into the conversation whenever possible. Listen to others. If anyone disrespects your fetish, call them out on their bullshit, and hold your fetish high while you do it. When someone’s fetish is raised, everyone else must be silent. But if your hands are on your fetish, you must be talking about it. You can use it as a means to discuss other things, but it must be your central focus. If at any point a bugbear isn’t touching their fetish, another bugbear may steal it (if their hands are fast enough). If you’ve stolen a fetish, you can use it as your own, but keep in mind its history. You may hold up to two fetishes at a time, but, remember, that means you have to talk about both of them, constantly. Of course, you can always put one or both down and return to the task at hand, but then you’re liable to be robbed yourself.

Step 4: Execute. Once all the bugbears have agreed that their scheme is complete, it’s time to put it into action. Go out and do the thing you discussed, sticking as closely to the plan as possible. Bring your fetishes with you, and make sure they’re displayed in a way that will allow anyone you encounter to see them. If any non-bugbear asks you about your fetish, you must tell them its story. Once you’ve finished the thing you set out to do—and not a second earlier—return to the room where you started.

Step 5: Congratulate. Take turns praising each other on your victory over the humans. Go around the circle in the same order as before. Give yourselves a big, hairy pat on the back. Embellish your accomplishments. But don’t forget your fetishes! All the old rules still apply. Whenever everyone feels sufficiently good about themselves, return to your dens. The game is over.

At any point during play a bugbear can throw their fetish back in the trash can. They instantly become human, and must leave the room, and the game, immediately.