This piece is a response narrative for the Autofiction x Worldbuilding submissions call.  It was inspired by this Autofictional seed. For this call, we asked people to write a response to another author’s autofictional submission, based on the original piece and this bit of cryptic world lore.

This, and other Worldbuilding pieces are being published to a Wiki, which will allow contributors to edit, link, and otherwise annotate their work and that of their peers.

The Mock Angel

I don’t care anymore…
I don’t want to be a mother or a fucktoy… your voice echoed
Like a piano falling down stairs… you said
I am just a young girl… I want love for my own

Oh… I said… Shattered like a plate…

There is such a black hole in me… That must swallow
A bear trap… Must eat
The oyster shell of my heart… Covered in claw marks… Open! You cunt!
There was supposed to be a pearl here… No
Just horrible fucking black sludge
I drip down the sides of the tiles like a… Pathetic ribbon
A discarded gift… Retreating to the edge of the earth

I cannot spare myself for somebody else…
If you won’t have me, I’ll be somebody else!
I could be a romantic clown or perhaps a beggar
Prying your wings apart and cumming down the middle…
I could lick your calluses, I could surgically attach your clit! To my upper lip!
I could be a razor blade for a cock… If only you really loved me…
I would be a wildebeest for your weather of love
You could turn me into a feather… If only you straddled my chainsaw…

Alas, I am a disgusting thing
A self hating urchin, peeling himself off his comfortable rock…
To evolve into a frightening manner of limbs…
How could you? From the comfort of your bed… Ever understand?
How it feels on the black sands… Infinite distorted guitars…
Train sounds… Foxes fucking…
My life… A footnote in the evolution of puny animals
You should pee on me…
Then dash my brains with a large stick

I am of microscopic importance…
I am better than God…
I can be rock music for you… My dear
I will wet your bangs… I shiver
I will transform!

With my teeth… I tear all of the birds apart!
I adorn my back with makeshift wings
I catch fish with my hands… Their vomit slicks my hair back
I’m clean in the salt water… But my cock bursts with fright
And in the night time… Skulking past neon
Stinking of sexual aerosol… I leak into the shadows…
Who will accompany your gentle… Silent… Perfect sleep…
Me… Me… Me… I look like your one true lover… Somebody…
You deserve…

*

My language is unrefined… So I speak not a lot… Only a hiss
And you wake!
Your ears are folded from your slumber… Your eyes are wet
With a dream? Of me? I could unravel at the thought!
I entice your gorgeousness out…
Like a worm to the rain… Be mine…
Who are you? You stammering s…s…s… Saint of my heart…
I am an angel… Here to deliver a divine message…
But your wings are black!
Nevermind… That is just the death I have traveled through…
Quite the perfume… You say… Your mouth agape and awaiting…
You must go to him… The plain boy you have killed slowly…
And offer him your first… Your last… Your whole love…
But which boy! I have saved myself many times…
For the pure love of life… Must I surrender this?
Yes… I say… As an angel…. Or I’ll fucking kill you or whatever…

And with my message delivered… My teenage angst caught flight!
I became an acne scar on the back of the sky!
No shame… No guilt… I am a deceiver… You are the receiver!
The passenger of my passion… Oh how I’ll treat you so well…
My darling… My little raccoon… With your cookie heart…
My forever comedown… My life machine…
The spring in my heart that saves me from falling into the spirit ditch!
Don’t discard me… To the nothingness I deserve…

The morning returns and wipes away the debt…
The horizon is not an ass crack but something… Adorable
I feel a sense of renewal…
I don’t want to hurt animals anymore…
I awake from the cliff face… And the penis! Of my soul!
Is always erect!
I dash into town… I don’t care about my upside-down face anymore!
I am as pretty as can be… The recipient of your futuristic touch…
Nail polish in my mouth… Utopia!
To your home… I knock once… Twice… Three times…
But the door is not locked to me… Or anyone…
I push it open like an embarrassed breeze…
You are swinging from the ceiling…
Completely blue… I buckle into myself…
With a powerful need to be harmed…
I grab nothing and everything at once…
And I cry upon a single black feather…
The feather of my cruelty.