I Lost It This Morning / Waiting for a New World to Begin / Trying to Believe It

I LOST IT THIS MORNING

It was probably the 7th or 8th time in the past two weeks that I picked up the phone to get a recording that PG&E had over charged me for several months; that they were going to return a large sum of money, and that I should press 1 now for full details.

Each time I hung up, angry that I’d been interrupted by the same obvious scam, but finally I decided to press 1 as I was practically foaming at the mouth.

When a guy came on, with what I perceived as an Indian accent, I said to him, “Listen fucker, you call me again, and I’ll find out where you are. There’ll be no place you can hide. Even if I have to come to the ends of the earth, I’ll get you. This is my final notice, you fuckin’ fuck!“

And I held the phone to see if the guy said anything, but it was totally quiet for about 30 seconds before I heard the click.

It felt good to finally make my peace. . .


WAITING FOR A NEW WORLD TO BEGIN

The rats were everywhere as a result of the bodies,
and so I decided to join them, mainly because I was hungry.
At first I threw up whatever I’d eaten
but eventually I could digest a little at a time:
a toe here, an elbow there, and eventually the side of a face.
It no longer mattered that I once had been human
full of dreams and plans like everyone else.
It was all about survival, and waiting for something to happen--
waiting for a new world to begin. . .


TRYING TO BELIEVE IT

It’s all in a day’s work. I mean, all in a day’s suffering.
Having to go out again and fish for something to believe in.
Bait the hook with some semblance of a positive attitude,
throw the line out, and then. . . wait. . . Yes, I said wait,
because nothing of any real value comes quickly. You must
be patient and not give up. If you don’t catch something
to believe in one day, there’s always another day,
until you get too old to fish for something to believe in,
and you just sit there trying to remember what had meaning
in your life. Maybe a husband or a wife. Maybe a job.
Maybe travels to places in which you said out loud,
I don’t believe it!  And then you reflect, Well, at least
I made it this far. May as well sit back and let it all go.
What choice do I have in the matter, you tell yourself,
trying to believe it. . .