I can be awful all on my own

1
The first time I got arrested I got popped stealing $18 worth of Robotussin gel capsules
at a grocery store with $400 cash in my pocket. I paid the fine in the cruiser, deferred for 
sentencing at a later date. The cop said “I don’t think you’re dangerous,
	    just a fucking idiot.” Then he said “You better cut your shit” (you see 
I was high 
& felt frivolous 
thus was giggling) 
he said “you better cut your shit unless you want to 
spend the weekend 
            with those niggers in county.”        It made me so sad
& I’ve always been disappointed in myself for not saying “Why that’d be just fine
you vile Nazi cunt.” 

				                     Later that night, I went back to the same grocery store
& good boy me purchased the three bottles 
then swallowed them in the parking lot. 

The patterns of self-abuse & behavioral despondencies will be, we predict,
exponentially more impermissible.

2
Little boy Babylon, freckled & bedeviled boy devil
plays with action figure stolen from church fundraiser.
Happy baby hell-raiser,
mean mother instructs Return toy to Father. 
                                                Yes mother.
But first darling teenybopper, flesh manifest of endgame-theory sin
rips head off toy superhero:
                        For you once more, Father, a corpse:            worship it, if you wish.

3.
Once in a holding cell, a twitchy piece of white trash waxed philosophical:
I think people are born good but life makes us bad.
Interesting, interesting, we with the vicious & longsuffering charges lamented, &
                                                                                             why are you here?

Through the mist of his vague platitudes & attempted excuses we discerned
rape & domestic assault,
then we assured him 
	                   he’d get nothing less than a life sentence 
& if he had the utter misfortune 
of being sentenced to Jackson, they would
             kill him immediately.
             He whimpered, wept, floundered on concrete, pleading.
We laughed, laughed, oh jolly my golly we laughed & someone said
“just you wait, we know where the cameras aren’t.”

We fear he may grow more violent, volatile; less capable to adequately rationalize his actions
& the potential castigations.

4
I think people are born happy & anything at all makes us awful.
I think people are born happy & this world is a threat.
I think people are born happy & not good & that’s good enough, that’s the best
chance we got. 
                                                                  I think I was happy & ruined myself. 

 5
(To the tune of restrained syllables & typing, the office is well lit, a bird eating a berry
being the image on the calendar)
We don’t know what to do. We, I don’t know, we clearly did something wrong.

For all the wrong I’ve done I only hurt when I’m not blamed.

6.
They didn’t know the little bird so happy in its avian charm
held in its beak a Nandina berry. For birdies this berry causes hemorrhaging
in the heart & trachea. Can you imagine
such a rupture of blood spewing 
from the orifices 
& simultaneously 
immersing you internally?
To sink in one’s self, swallowed by you.
It’s the saddest picture I’ve ever seen.