Beginning of phone transcripts for 1-800-XXX-XXXX on date 11/20/2017

Call #1

(Operator):  Hi, this is Marie, how are you doing this morning?

(Caller):  Not good, I guess.

(Operator):  I’m sorry to hear that.  What’s going on in your life right now?

(Caller):  I honestly, don’t really know, I … I just feel like I can’t fucking do it anymore.  I know I can’t.  I want to be dead.

(Operator):  Ok, Ok, well, I’m sorry to hear that.  Do you want to give a name?  What is it that makes you feel like you can’t go on?  

(Caller):  I’m Nobody.  

(Operator):  Hi, Nobody.  Like I mentioned, I’m Marie, and I’m here to listen to you.

(Caller):  [muffled coughing]

(Caller):  Hi.

(Caller):  Yeah, I dunno.  One way or another, I’m gonna be dead by the end of today.  Most of me really wants that, but part of me doesn’t.

(Operator):  Well, let’s just talk a bit, Nobody.  Have you planned anything?

(Caller):  I haven’t planned anything.  I never got to do any planning, anything.

(Operator):  Ok, where are you now?

(Caller):  On the subway.

(Operator):  Cool, alright.  So you aren’t alone?

(Caller):  There’s an old man here eating pizza … I, uh … [muffled] som—

(Operator):  Ok … Oh, sorry.

(Caller):  Some kids, a few Jews.

(Operator):  I see.  What’s frustrating you the most at this very moment?

(Caller):  I guess my dad.  

(Operator):  Ahh, ok, so you’re having some problems with your old man?

(Caller):  He’s been pushing me a lot, and [muffled].  I guess he’s always been really hard on me.  Wants shit his way.  Says that He lives through him.  He wants … well, he just doesn’t listen.  

(Operator):  Gotcha.  In what ways does he push you?  

(Caller):  It’s been like this ever since grade school.  He would just, well, he was always comparing, he compared … like, me, to the other kids in the school.  He would say shit like “Look at those heebs, Nobody.  They work HARD.  That is why they’re successful in everything!”  It’s fucking driving me crazy.  My mom tries to talk him down, but gets nowhere.

(Operator):  Ahh, ok.  Ok.  So he’s very hard on you, academically, and he won’t back off, even when you and your mom try to explain things to him.

(Caller):  I guess.

(Operator):  Well, Nobody, just keep in mind that a lot of what parents do is from love.  They want their children to succeed and be alright.  But please don’t feel like you need to live your life the way your father wants.

(Caller):  He’s going to be calling me soon.

(Operator):  Your father?

(Caller):  He calls me to do things I don’t want, but need to do.  

(Operator):  Well, is it a situation where you’re still living at home?

(Caller):  I live with the family.

(Caller):  I just can’t …

[hang up]

(Operator):  Nobody?  Hello?  Hello?

 
Call #2

(Operator):  Hi, this is Marie.  Who am I speaking with?

(Caller):  [sigh]

(Caller):  Hey again.  This is Nobody.  

(Operator):  Nobody!  Hi.  I’m honestly glad you called back.  How are things?

(Caller):  Uhh, bad.  

(Operator):  Oh?  Did something happen?  What’s up with you right now?

(Caller):  I screwed up.  I [muffled] and messed up everything.  I’m a fucking retard.

(Operator):  How’s that?  Are you OK?

(Caller):  No I’m not fucking OK!

(Operator):  Alright, it’s alright.  Let’s talk it through.  Did you get your call from your father?

(Caller):  Yeah, the first one.

(Operator):  Oh, so he’s going to call you back?  Can I ask how the call went?  Is he upset with you, or?

(Caller):  He’s upset now.  

(Operator):  Why, do you think?

(Caller):  Because I’m not where I’m supposed to be.  He’ll call again, then I’m dead.

(Operator):  How do you mean?

(Caller):  Was supposed to be at Grand Central Terminal, but I stayed on the train.

(Operator):  Oh.  Were you going to meet him there?

(Caller):  Not exactly.

(Operator):  Going somewhere, then?  Work related?

(Caller):  Work.  

(Operator):  Ok.  So you missed work.  Is it because you’re anxious/stressed about the job?

(Caller):  Yeah.

(Operator):  And your father, does he know about this?

(Caller):  Know what?  About the job, I mean of co—

(Operator):  That you’re stressed about the job.  Oops, sorry to cut you off.

(Caller):  No.

(Operator):  Ahh, so he thinks you’re happy with it?

(Caller):  [voice wavering]  I am happy with it.  I …

(Caller):  [crying]

(Operator):  It’s Ok, Nobody, take as long as you need, bud.  

(Caller):  FUCK.  How the fuck could I … ?  How can I … ?

(Operator):  I’m here for you.

[phone impacts something solid, static can be heard]

(Operator):  H-Hello?

(Caller):  [incoherent shouting]

[a woman’s voice, incoherent]

(Operator):   Nobody?  Hello?  Are you alright?

[approximately 2 minutes of silence, ambient noise from a train]

(Caller): [picks phone back up]

(Caller):  [breathing]

(Operator):   Nobody?  Is that you?  Are you alright?

(Caller):  It’s me.  

(Caller):  I just felt like I needed to, I dunno.  Scream, I guess.  I’m about to blow.  

(Operator):  Did I hear someone else with you?  Is everyone OK?

(Caller):  Yeah.

(Operator):  No one’s hurt, including you?

(Caller):  No.

(Operator):  Good, I’m glad.  You aren’t having thoughts about hurting yourself, are you?

(Caller):  I mean, yeah?

(Operator):  Ok,  Nobody, let’s try to settle down.  You don’t have anything on you that could be  used to hurt yourself or someone else, do you?

(Caller):  …

(Operator):   Nobody?

(Caller):  Yeah, I do.

(Operator):  Ok.  Can I ask what it is?  Something like a knife?

(Caller):  I have a boxcutter, but it’s dull.  

(Operator):  A boxcutter?  Ok.  Are you still on the train?  Anyone else around?

(Caller):  No, I got off and I’m at some terminal.

(Caller):  And yeah, there’s some people around.  Not as many as, well—

(Operator):  Ok, well, is there any way you can put that boxcutter somewhere?  Just to be safe?  Can you throw it into one of the trash bins?  

(Caller):  Alright.  

(Caller):  Ok, it’s done.

(Operator):  Great, that’s good.  You’re doing the right thing,  Nobody.

(Caller):  Not really.  I’ve pretty much fucked everything up.  

(Operator):  No.  No, you haven’t.  You’ve taken steps to protect yourself and other people.  You’ve shown you care about—

(Caller):  I don’t care about anything, honestly.  I’m a fucking apostate.  

(Operator):  That’s not true!  You—

(Caller):  It’s not like I can take the vest off anyway, even if I, well, wanted to.  

(Operator):  I, uh, what do you mean?  Your work vest?

(Caller):  …

[moment of silence]

(Operator):    Nobody?  

(Caller):  What?

(Operator):  Oh, you went silent there for a second.  Are you still OK?

[phone ringing]

(Operator):  Is that your phone?  

(Caller):  Yeah.

(Operator):  Dad calling?

(Caller):  Yeah.

[ringing stops]

(Operator):  Remember,  Nobody, don’t think you have to live up to every expectation your father has of you.  You’re your own person.  Don’t judge yourself based on someone else’s rubrick.

(Caller):  He is my judge.

[text message sound]

[explosion]