contrasts

the homeless guy on the corner is jaundiced and dying
i’m suffering from low t and psychosis in my mansion

my wife dreams of underwater sex parties
i have dreams where giant dicks eat other dicks

some lady in my neighborhood registered 2,000 people to vote
i fell in the shower and just laid there, crumpled

last week in court a judge said we had to be done
with trial by thursday due to her vacation
my last vacation was to wisconsin 9 years ago
to visit my mom in the insane asylum

the grocery store clerk at the checkout told me to stay safe out there
i’m thinking about killing myself

in memoriam oliver reed

Wrapping wine bottles in paper towels and duct tape so that the neighbors don’t hear the crash of the recycling bin
Listening to supersonic by detox icunt
Doing needle injections of gin
Plucking hairs mons pubis

It’s late on a Thursday…

In the car
Beer run before store close
Driving past George Floyd murals
Listening to the smashing pumpkins
Roadie in the cup holder
A gin with Capri sun
I run over a dog in front of a boarded up window with initialisms against the cops
It says ACAB
I don’t know what it means but I Google it while driving
I smash into a parked car but keeping going
It’s like a boot camp for drunk drivers
I curse the dog I ran over…
The crowd…
I’m rotten to the core…
When I go to hell you’re all coming with me
Even the mural artists

Maybe I should work
Maybe I should flip a house
Maybe I should do a cleanse
Maybe I should stop sucking dick in my dreams

I am nothing more than a small granule ebbing through life
A paper in the process of a tear
White paint tumbling through a filtered shaft
Neither the creator nor the created
A blip

marked with age

a mole is getting bigger
on my belly that’s getting bigger
in a room that’s getting smaller

my belly’s distended
i think it’s a kidney problem
i think it’s junk food
i think it’s the food from that goddamned mall!

my old lady just left me
she’s a trust fund baby
just recently she got a job as a cop
to ride around and pluck out the eyes of the living
her last text to me said
good luck to you and your pineapple shirt, you fuck!

paypal just sent me an email
saying my security is their priority
the only reason i have a paypal account
is because i ordered a penis pump
when i was hellbent on finding a good wife
through eharmony
i did
the one that just left

i want to watch a show but i don’t know what’s on
i don’t have a goddamned tv guide!

all of the knives in the kitchen drawer
are waiting and chanting like cheerleaders
W-R-I-S-T!

i am placing all of my hopes into a bathtub at midnight

but no matter
i’ll put these sides to the thought
this no ice brandy and coke that i’m sucking
on through a twizzler bit at both ends,
combined with the krazie bone
double disc thug mentality from 1999
              is something from the gods

Mole lady gets a DUI

the manager at the local coffee shop is a fat old hag
who we call mole lady
she’s mean to her employees
she’s an overt nightmare
she probably weighs three hundred
and she’s not happy about it
we call her mole lady because
we have this fantasy that she nests in the back of the store
in a kind of bedding composed of minced cardboard and milk crates
we imagine her back there chewing up the cardboard boxes that deliver the coffee
that’s why we call her mole lady
she has a rodent look, part of it’s in the teeth
plus she’s a miserable bitch

well one day mike and I go for an afternoon coffee
about the time she turns the store over to an assistant manager
we see mole lady on the sidewalk
standing by a cop
the cop is moving his finger back and forth in front of her
mike says holy shit mole lady’s getting a DUI
we go into the store and get our americanos
when we get back out sure enough she’s in the back of the squad
looking out pleadingly
we ask what happened
the cop waves us off
we keep walking and talk about this mass shooting that just happened and how nobody remembers yesterday

lost bradley

viewing the lost and found on craigslist
in the mineapolis/st. paul region
i see a posting by some pranksters
it is a mugshot of bradley
from one of his DUIs
the posting says “has anyone
seen bradley.
we are wondering where he is.
last we heard he was
drying out in hazelden
we are wondering if he’s around
or if he finally
drank himself to death lol”

CJ’s last note

he did it in the bathtub
looking like the death of marat
he didn’t give any reasons
just some notes
his little treatise
it merely said
“CJs rules for life”

don’t buy a four-corner bed
it will fall down from fucking

buy craft or foreign beers for roadies
other drivers can spot a domestic
and will call you in

running over dogs while drunk driving
don’t aim for em but don’t stop for em
fuck em

don’t tell your therapist everything
they’re all cunts with lips enough
to sink ships

don’t get married
have kids if you want
but don’t get married

that’s all it said
he was all slunk down in the red water

Reflections in three stances fucked stances fuck stanzas

My third wife’s pussy always
Smelled like roasted pine nut hummus
It’s why I wasn’t published in Ploughshares
I got blacklisted by the bon ton
When I wrote about it

I’m soft-poisoning my children with melatonin
So that I can gamble online in peace
It’s not fair to them
They deserve better
I can’t believe I’ve been married and divorced three times by the age of 39
It’s ridiculous
I’m so thankful that I was born rich

Tonight I’m going to fuck my fourth fiancée and
Then kill myself after AA.