Artwork by Celia Johnson.

ted’s lawyer

and I heard
this lawyer say
“oh my god that’s every lawyer’s dream,
to represent someone on death row
who is facing execution by the state”

and I knew that the young harridan lawyer
who said it
never had a loved one
stabbed to death
or shot
or raped
or buried shallow

she was with ted
until the very end

              when he was buying time with bones

and when it was over
and he was toasted through
wouldn’t you know it
she started quoting Gandhi

about the blind
and the blind
and the blind

12/31

he passed out at the new years party
people called him a pussy
and covered his face in Sharpie
two strangers stole his keys
and fucked in his car out in the cul de sac
nobody knew what kind of year he’d had…
nobody knew, how could they
nobody knew that he was up
until 4:00 AM the night before
after a bottle of hendricks with a gun in his mouth
nobody knew these things

hide and go seek

jim had a friend
who had a cabin
his friend’s name was glen
glen had a wife and kids
jim did too
the kids were all under eight
the wives were friends
kind of
they drank martinis
sometimes the four of them
played tennis
once every six years or so

one weekend they all
went north
and west
to glen’s cabin
it was about three hours
more or less
people said things like
“it’s only three hours
if you don’t stop for gas.”

anyway they all got up there
the first night the
parents drank like bastards
after the kids were almost down
they gave them screens
and told them to play
or whatever
just leave the adults alone
let us drink
for gods sake
that kind of thing…

the next day jim was in bad shape
he smoked a cigar
and got sick
he said it was the heat…
the cigar didn’t sit well…
then he drank some beer
in the afternoon

all the kids wanted to play
hide-and-go-seek
so jim hid out
in the crawl space
in the attic of sorts
the kids were too afraid
to climb the stairs to it
so he was able to relax up there
with a little rum drink
and a box
of white cheddar cheez-its

then it happened
his heart kind of burned
there was a pinching feeling
he got scared
he started to sweat
he was on his back
he knew he was dying
he thought his life
would flash before his eyes
but it didn’t
he just looked at the ceiling
and tried to live
clutching some snacks
actually eating
some snacks in his last minutes of life…
he spilled his drink…

he died up there
the kids never found him
but glen did
about an hour later
after his wife bitched at him

it was sad
they had to tell jim’s kids
that he decided to hide forever
it sucked for everyone

the cabin in the woods

bruce went to his cabin
it was up north
it was remote
bruce was single
ever since his old lady died
breast cancer
bruce was 55
his kids were grown
and out of state
he got cards on his birthday
he liked to fish
he liked his beer

on the second night
he went out onto the back roof
looking out at the woods
away from the lake
there was nothing but forest
he had a six pack
of hamm’s
in his little soft cooler
on the fourth beer
he had a stroke
he went down soft
and kind of laid there
sweating
and clutching
cursing
and kind of vibrating
alone

when it was over he was dead
and he started to roll
down the roof
but he got caught on the chimney
so he just laid there
for the spring
and the summer
nobody saw him from the lake
because he was out back
he changed a bit
i guess he kind of dried out
in a way…
the crows got to him too
then a big storm hit
in the fall
and a gust of wind
sent him off the roof
he blew out like a stuffed pillow
on the ground
and kind of scattered i guess
so that was bruce

mouse traps

harry was a drunk
he lived alone
in a little studio
in a neighborhood with a bunch of families
he hated it
some nights he’d self-sabotage
one night he set up a bunch
of mouse traps
around his bed
he said to himself that
drunk harry
was going to pull one over
on sober harry
sure enough
half-sober harry woke up at 3:00 a.m.
to take a piss
and walked through the traps
they jumped and caught on to him
he was covered in traps
running, pissing
screaming…
he made it to the bathroom
and vowed to kill drunk harry
he said he’d never drink
but drunk harry got him drunk
the next night
then drunk harry set out thumb tacks
on the floor
then sober harry walked through the tacks
on his way to take a piss
drunk harry was running up a score
sober harry was demoralized
he was at his end
he didn’t know what to do
with his other half
the drunk half was killing him
he was in grief
he wanted to jump from the window
but it was only the second floor
so he decided to live with it
              subsequent, and the like,
the two harrys fought it out
for a couple more years
then sober harry went down
in the aisle at the supermarket
one afternoon
a little aneurism job
from the gods of time
right as he was reaching for
a pack of tortillas
and in that moment
drunk harry died too