post eris

the only kind of kindness i understand

laughter in the world
shushes
oh
she died

angry at the dead

i wanted to give you a hug
you stupid bitch
you knew when i was joking
you supportive
lovely
stupid bitch

i tell the liquor store cashier
one of my friends died
she gives me a discount
i tell her i don’t have many friends
the employee discount, she says

i drink in the parking lot
i sit in my car
i drive home
who cares

you are gone
you shouldn’t be

you stupid bitch

woke up drunk

i can’t stop thinking about the dead
still alive, peering at us
from way up, reclined on clouds
postureless
from over a book
she smiles, she
returns to reading